Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled onto my 1989 high school graduation video. We can talk about all the ugliness and needlessness found on the internet. Once in awhile, the internet does something right. Occasionally, this alternate world connects us to things that matter.
This video is the closest I will ever come to a time machine. I had no idea it existed.
I'm one of those people... when my time is up, all that will remain are some words I post here and vague memories of those who know me or knew me. My self-importance ends when I do. I've always liked the idea of being defined by little things. And big ideas. Thoughts.
Watching my graduation was surreal. For most of the two hour ceremony, the camera is fixated on me due to being seated front and center. Two hours of me staring at me almost 30 years ago. It was depressing, inspiring, bittersweet, glorious and astonishing. Both positive and negative superlatives are fitting.
High school graduation is a monumental day in everyone's life. The carefree days of summer, the intensity of perpetually falling in love with many, the neediness, and the wonder of what tomorrow may bring... it's over. Tomorrow is here.
As I watched awkward me fidget and neurotically believe all eyes were on me, I wanted to give myself some advice.
I probably would just focus on wasting time. God knows I've wasted a lot of time. 1989 me never worried about time. 2017 me knows better.
Two students from that class of 30 students are gone. Been gone for two decades. Out of time.
Sometimes we become so introspective, maybe egocentric, perhaps self-absorbed; we miss the little things.
So, I guess my advice to 1989 me would focus on time and the little things. Two things that should be self-evident but rarely are...
My tiny Christian school of 120 students showed foresight and kindness by recording my graduation. This was done without any knowledge that one day, the internet would be a tangible yet intangible place most reside. And it came at a perfect time in my life.
A nice reminder of a boy, a young man who had dreams, aspired to be great within the realms of obscurity all the while pursuing the little things... because it is the little things that make an uneventful life great.
The video ends with me strutting down the aisle with this goofy smile of relief that it was all over.
If I only knew then.
Out of time.
