I realize I am a day late as far as recognizing the holiest day on the stoner's calendar. April 20th (420) is the day all stoners come together to celebrate their love of smoking pot.
In true stoner fashion, I am writing this blog the day after 420 simply because it is the logical thing to do. Since we know that stoners are unmotivated people, writing a blog the day after 420 makes perfect sense. Actually working or moving off of my couch on 420 would be considered sacrilegious by stoners. Therefore, I am writing the blog today.
I haven't smoked pot in 55 months, 2 weeks and 6 days. I have been clean from pot since I spent a weekend in Portland I spent about 10 years of my life getting stoned just about every day up until the year 2000.
Those 10 years have taught me a lot.
Here are some reasons why pot is the most awesome drug in history and why everyone should be a pot smoker:
1. It prevents bad driving. I will never forget the last time I drove stoned on the freeway. Cars were honking at me, other drivers were flipping me off and everyone was cutting me off. I did not understand why until I looked at my speedometer and realized I was going 30 mph.
2. The paranoia. Nothing is more sane than believing that the FBI and CIA are following you while you are driving 30 mph on the freeway. It was truly a healthy experience to spend 10 years of my life living in paranoia.
3. The Food. I love to eat. Getting stoned makes eating even more fun. I miss the 3 hours I would spend at the all-you-can-eat buffets everyday when I was stoned. I miss spending $40 a day on food because I was always hungry.
4. Sex. Nothing makes sex more satisfying than being so lazy that getting it up becomes exhausting. Also, since I was stoned so much I don't recall if I ever got laid in those 10 years. It's possible I had lots of sex but I just don't remember.
5. Everyone is funny. Shit, being stoned made me realize the comical genius of Pauley Shore. In fact, everyone was funny to me during those 10 years. Even people who weren't trying to be funny made me laugh. I miss the days of laughing for no reason.
6. The Mall. Being stoned makes shopping fun. Also, spending an hour trying to remember where I parked after shopping was always the best part. Once I found my car and got home, I could put on the fancy jewelry and stoner T-shirts I bought. Apparently, pot enhances your taste in clothes and jewelry.
7. I always smelled good. The ladies love a man drenched in Old Spice and Stetson cologne. Because I was worried that others would smell the pot on me, I would go through a bottle of cologne a week.
8. Movies and Music: Every song was awesome and every movie was hilarious. Schindler's List and Platoon were especially funny. Despite the fact I was the only one laughing during these movies, I knew that there was a lot of humor in the holocaust and watching people die in war.
P.S. It's time pot is legalized. It's a joke that our government prohibits pot while being in the drug running business. Marijuana is natural and serves many medicinal purposes such as being a possible cure to cancer. It's definitely safer than alcohol.
No comments:
Post a Comment