Old Friends die hard

It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant.- Stand By Me.

I was asked by an old friend if we were still friends.  After years of no communication, years of life coming in between us, years of him going one way and me just standing still, he asked if we were still friends.

I went to Vegas with some co-workers.  I came home with some friends.  The day I was fired, those friends became ex co-workers.  Nothing more.  I suppose it taught me the value of friendship; its true meaning.  I suppose I have a tendency to use that word "friend" a little too liberally.

I told my old friend, we will always be friends.  I left it at that temporarily.  I figured no explanation was needed nor did I really believe his question was sincere.  I've seen him cry.  I was there when his mother died.  We lost a best friend together.  We've known each other for nearly three decades.

Are we still friends?  What kind of question is that?  I asked an hour later.  He knew I was annoyed.

We started talking about those better days before life got in the way.  We discussed that best friend who left us too soon.  And I thought about him and them and us and me.  And I started to notice how everyone called him their best friend.  I suppose I am cynical because I don't believe best friends die like he did. 

Favorite friends do. 

Best friends don't leave the rest of us blaming ourselves.

I don't want to be anyone's favorite friend.  I want to be their best friend.  That's the lesson I learned on a dreary Sunday in September.


I've got this routine where every night before I fall to sleep I watch old reruns of Friends on Nick at Nite.  That show is so flawed and ripe with deception.  For ten years, we wondered, "will Ross and Rachel end up together?"  Of course, they will.  We all knew it. 

That's television.  Happy endings tied together with a bow.  To make us feel good.  To put us in the right frame of mind when products are flashed before our eyes during commercials.  Who is gonna go buy a happy meal at McDonalds after finding out Ross and Rachel hate each other?

Friends don't hang out with each other every second of the day; always laughing, never fighting.  No one dying.  No one leaving those friends behind because life gets in the way.

For me, the only show that really prepared me for life and told me everything I need to know about friends was that one season show in the early 90's called My So-Called Life.  It was the closest thing to reality TV I've ever seen.  Those kids didn't grow up to be Ross and Rachel or Chandler and Monica.  They grew up to be you and me. 


The best friends I've ever had, know and accept the worst parts of me.  They've seen me at my lowest and never considered me unworthy.


I gravitate towards people who remind me of myself.  I think we all do.  Like attracts like, they say.  Take away all the labels.  Strip away the ego.  Dig below the surface.  You will find every person you have ever genuinely considered a friend of value is just like you. 

That's why we feel a sense of betrayal when they leave us too soon.  That's why we refer to some as having a piece of our heart.


As a senior in high school, I took a trip to Colorado on a bus with my classmates.  I came home on a bus with my friends.  The day we graduated, most of us went in our own direction.  That large circle of friends became various tiny circles of friends with unfamiliar faces added in later.  And new circles were formed.

It's been four years since I last talked to that old friend; the one who asked me that question.  His new circle of friends doesn't include me.

But only because life got in the way.