Untold Stories: The Secret

My marriage to Alice only lasted one week.  Normally, this would be one of those time periods not even worth mentioning because in the grand scheme of life, this one week of matrimony bliss was more of an experiment that went awkwardly wrong.

I say, normally, I wouldn't mention this time period BUT then again, my perspective on life has changed.  And I owe it all to you.

Every single event, every self-described inconsequential moment, every second of our lives, matters.  Every single person from that nurse who held us in her arms that moment we emerged into this world of possibilities to the kid who threw rocks at us at recess to every single teacher, preacher, stranger, friend and random passerby that has entered our lives, they all matter.  Each and every person and moment in our lives molds us into who we are and whom we become. 

Life is about observation, be it, intentional or subconscious.

Life is about experiences, be it, pleasurable or painstakingly unbearable or just the mundane. 

Life is about loss and turning that loss into something tangible.

What life is not is a cliche. 

Alice and I got married at 12:15 under a glorious September sky.  My friend, Chris, performed the ceremony.  I'll be honest, every girl at that wedding hated Alice and wished they were her.  I was a good looking third grader.

On the school bus home, Alice and I had our first kiss.  Those old TV sitcom images with fireworks going off when a boy kisses a girl are not even close to the truth.  For a third grade boy, it was more of a formality than some relationship milestone.  At that age, girls like to kiss.  Boys like dirt.

When our marriage ended a week later,due to some recess incident where she wanted to hold hands and I wanted some alone time, I figured I had a lifetime ahead of me to find a better Alice.

And I did.  And I have.

After church one night at some youth group event, we were at a park.  You and I were on the swing set.  Just you and I under a beautiful September night sky isolated from all of our peers.  I was in heaven. 

You were talking.  I wasn't listening.  I was too terrified to focus on anything except the denim skirt you were wearing and your carefully styled larger than life bangs..  You were beautiful to me and I wanted to be your boyfriend so badly.

Some secrets should never become secrets.  Looking back now, I know this to be true.

Alice may have been my first wife but you were my first crush.  Better yet, the first girl I fell in love with.

When you left, when we lost contact, all I wanted for you was a bright future and a happy life.  That's how I knew I loved you. 

All secrets should be told.  Some are best, years later.  This is one of those times.


I've got so many stories I will never get to share with you and I am sure you've got plenty more than me.