how dare you

I tied my shoes like rabbits ears.  It was the best a mother could do. 
I learned to swim by learning not to drown.  With fledgling arms and an abnormal sense of self, I found myself in thought of you.  Where did you go?  What did I do wrong?  I kicked and scratched the messenger.  How dare you, mom. 

Fast forward because you were forgotten as I had been by you.  Page 43, February, your name resurfaces in an obituary, whats your son to do?  Dead, a heartless man.  The empathetic son says, how dare you.


And mom, puts on this gentle face; one I've never seen her wear.  With clenched fists, the tears stream down, fighters aren't supposed to care.  Slam my door, tune out the noise, so this misplaced sorrow is never heard.  Back I go into my own thoughts, so I'm not disturbed.  Did you hate me while I loved you?  All these questions pouring through.  I forgive you this one time as God knows, that bitterness is never an alibi.  Never mind, I cannot lie.  how dare you.


All grown up, nowhere to go; a new family moves me in.  Cocaine dreams up in smoke, laughing with my friends.  This won't end well, it never does.  What am I to do?  Brother takes one drink; it all begins.  This complicated comradeship ends with you.  With lifeless limbs and a bleeding tongue, the end of an era sets in.  Gone is my family; the only one I knew.  As the choir sings, I sing how dare you.

All is well I tell myself before these lights go out.  Grab a pen, pen my thoughts, and think of what went wrong.  Father is now just a shell as he mumbles how dare you, son. 

With fledgling arms and an abnormal sense of self, I'm learning to swim again. 


Fast forward because it's easy to, I'll make the time to rewind at a later date.  Slam my door, tune out the noise.  Into my own thoughts, escape.  Did I not do enough?  Was my silence the final nail?  With sturdy arms and a steady pulse, I flail.  And wait for this dead horse to exhale.


How dare you leave us like this.  No words. No reason exists. 


Fast forward to the day we finally meet again.  Something tells me, you'll explain yourself but I'll no longer care.  The other side is so much brighter, I will understand why in haste you left for there.  You'll look at me like you used to always do and say how dare you.


Now, I'm left to wonder other things.  Like who is left to love me.  With vulnerability fully exposed, how dare you to stop thinking of me.  I doubt she will ever know that I am trudging slowly towards her. 

I learned to swim by learning not to drown.  With fledgling arms and an abnormal sense of self, I find myself searching for her.  What am I to do?  Every story has a perfect ending....

how dare you.