Endless Loop

At some point, everyone got busy. 

And I just watched the world pass me by.

I fell asleep like I often do when things become too heavy.  I had this dream about heaven.  It wasn't an actual place, though.  It was nothing but all of the best memories I have; tied together in an endless loop.  I had this belief that heaven might be overpopulated but I came to realize, it only consists of a handful of people.

And a dog.  One dog.

It was around the three minute mark when I reached the apex of heaven.  It was these countless I love yous coming from only a few mouths.  Despite so few people who have uttered those three words to me over the span of my life, those three words held a deeper significance than I ever realized.  Once upon a time, I could count on hearing that phrase daily.  Then, one day, it stopped.  I thought how did I become so unloveable?  What changed about me?  In heaven, we don't get answers to those questions because self doubt or even, self loathing isn't included in that endless loop. 

I woke up and my heart was indescribably heavy.  I had forgotten so many names and faces.  I suppose I got so busy and the world just passed me by.

I stretched out my arm to reach my phone.  I desperately wanted to call those people I had just visited in that endless loop.  I couldn't.  For so many different reasons. 

At some point, everyone got busy.  Me, included. 

And the world just passed us by.