The Mall

I've been boycotting Walmart for years.  I can't specifically say why.  Personally, it just seems to be the embodiment of everything wrong with us:  convenience, mass produce, greed and sloth BUT I can't even say that's why I refuse to step foot in there. 

Years ago, when the internet was just chat rooms and telling strangers how big your penis is, a friend met some girl online.  She wasn't exactly the beauty queen she described herself to him.  When he picked her up, being the douchebag he kind of was, was disappointed.  So, he took her to Walmart, bought her a hotdog and left her there.

That was my introduction to Walmart.  It was right down the street and I was oblivious to its existance. 


A story on the news tonight here in Arizona stated that Metrocenter will be closing soon.  For a few decades, this was the biggest mall here.  It's located in a blight part of Phoenix and famously, is known for Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure being filmed there.  Beethoven played the piano in a music store in that mall.  Socrates got a thrill out of the escalator.  Ghangis Khan defeated some mannequins in the sporting goods store.  That mall has some historic significance, I suppose.

I've only been there once.  I don't remember anything about it except getting lost.   Despite it being larger than any mall I've been in, it was common for me to get lost in malls or forget where I parked.


As a kid, I grew up near Los Arcos Mall.  In the summer, I would walk four miles in 115 degree heat just to play this Intellivision video Baseball game.   My friends had an Atari.  I walked miles uphill in the heat to play one in Sears at the Mall.  I also spent time in the arcade playing Centipede and PacMan.  

Los Arcos Mall was my introduction to the most social place in Anywhere, USA. 

I got older and Fast Times at Ridgemont High inspired me to become a mallrat.  The mall was the 1980's version of Facebook.  Friends, debate, the opposite sex, people watching... it was the epitome of the mall experience minus the cynicism we strut around social networks with. 

You might believe the internet created the boldness we see in men who send random pictures of their genitals to unsuspecting women but blame the mall.  Men in trenchcoats flashing women was the original dick picture.  Difference being:  that was illegal and sending your penis via a computer is not.


Fiesta Mall is where most of my mall memories reside.  I recall the dollar movies we would see.  Or the baffled look on my face when I thumbed through the cassette tapes in Sam Goodys and wondered why they were $5 more expensive than Tower Records across the street.   I can still see that poster of Stryper hanging in that store and turning to a friend and saying, "Christian heavy metal is such a retarded idea".

I have way too many mall memories to even list or without sounding cliche.  

The very last time, I went to Fiesta Mall, a few of us were stoned.  I spent $20 on a silver cross necklace for my short lived jewelry phase and probably another $20 at the food court.   And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention we forgot where we parked and literally spent 2 hours (which included a ride on a security cop's golf cart) trying to find the car.

I avoid the mall now.  It's not a boycott like my refusal to shop at Walmart.  It's more of a I hate shopping and I'm too old for this shit thing... but man, the mall is so nostalgic to me.  Some of my best memories of being younger involve that place.

Malls are dying in America.  Who wants to walk around crowded places when you can shop online?  Who wants to look at girls when you can scroll through your preferred social network and see many more?


Last night's news story on Metrocenter ended with this tidbit:   A Walmart Supercenter is being built on the grounds of Metrocenter. 

And now I have a reason to boycott Walmart.