Everyone thinks they are a fucking doctor. And I don't say "fucking" as an expletive but more so, as a specialized kind of doctor; like instead of a foot doctor or an ass doctor, we all think we are fucking doctors.
A doctor that specializes in fucking.
Of course, there is no such thing as a fucking doctor but everyone thinks they are a fucking doctor.
I have been dealing with some anxiety issues lately. These issues are causing me to be a little more annoyed than usual. When I am annoyed, I tend to let everyone who is annoying me know that they are annoying me.
For example, a few months ago at a work, a clueless woman asked me what I was planning to dress up for as Halloween. Because I believe that men who dress up for Halloween are insane, I immediately responded, "Only pedos and gays dress up for Halloween".
The woman immediately stated, "You need to get laid". As if getting laid would change my opinion on adult men who dress up on Halloween.
Seriously, do you know how many times I have heard that phrase?
That phrase is used everywhere for all occasions.
If I'm in a bad mood or just annoyed by someone's behavior, it never fails that some unclever adult will comment, "you need to get laid".
I see that phrase used by many on social networks. I hear it at work constantly.
It's as if people believe that having sex will cure everything.
One day, I am going to get my doctor's license and open my own practice. As each patient comes in with his or her ailment, I am just going to say, "You need to get laid. Thanks for coming. That will be $19.99 and we will bill your insurance company."
Some examples as me as your doctor:
Woman: Doctor, I found a lump on my breast.
Me: Ma'am, you need to get laid.
Man: Doctor, I can't get an erection.
Me: Sir, you need to get laid.
Child: Doctor, I fell out of my tree house and I think I broke my arm.
Me: Son, you need to get laid.
Now, do you see how ridiculous all of you fucking doctors are?
I think my favorite fucking doctors are the hippies. The minute we go to war against some rogue nation or a group of "terrorists", it never fails: the fucking hippie doctors march in front of the White House with signs that read, "Make love not War".
Look, I am against war as much as anyone else but I'm not delusional enough to believe that sex is the answer to the world's problems. The hippies act like if we all just went home and got laid all of the evil people would disappear.
Note to hippies: Evil people probably fuck more than you do. And guess what? They are still evil.
Anyway, I admit that I need to get laid.
But I promise you this, after those 3 minutes are over, I will still be easily annoyed.
Sex isn't the cure for our behaviors. It certainly has no impact on evil in this world or even those miniscule quirks people have that annoy the rest of us.
I would go even a step further and say that the fucking doctors of this world are simply prescribing a placebo when they attempt to claim that fucking will take that edge off.
Sex certainly has its benefits and yes, the release of dopamine creates a positive reaction in our bodies. However, food and chocolate also do the exact same thing yet no one tells me to go eat a Big Mac or a Snickers bar when I am a little annoyed.
You fucking doctors think you know it all.
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