She's about as funny as Bob Saget and her shame filter is non-existent. In other words, she's not funny and what most of us consider embarrassing, she considers it high art.
She's one of those women you love to hear stores about but not one of those women you want to have a starring role in one of her stories.
For example, a few years ago, mom decided to have a garage sale at my house. Her reasoning was that my neighborhood had more old people. Despite the fact she lived in a 65 and older community, she thought my neighborhood was more conducive for bargain shoppers.
It's important that I mention I had no say in her decision. It was when I came home from work on a Friday to find my garage filled with her belongings. The garage sale was the next morning.
With no say in the matter nor did my opinion matter to her, I decided to sleep in that Saturday. My hope was to wake up and find that her garage sale was over.
I woke up at around noon, stumbled into my living room and peaked outside. Yep, the garage sale was over. Mom was gone. The annoying garage sale groupies were nowhere to be found. All was back to normal.
But then I realized something....
MY DINING ROOM LOOKED DIFFERENT.
It was missing its dining room table.
Mom decided to sell MY table.
Angrily, I called her. "Where's my damn table?"
"I sold it. You never ate dinner on it, anyway," she replied without remorse.
Mom is always looking for new ways to make money or save money.
This Christmas, another bright idea entered my mom's crazy head.
She decided to have a Christmas dinner for some of her elderly widowed friends. After slightly over cooking the Butterball turkey and eating most of it, she decided to seek a refund from Costco.
The day after Christmas, she proudly walked up to the refund department and showed them her receipt. "I would like a full refund on the turkey I bought here. It was dry and didn't taste right."
The Costco employee politely told her they needed to see the evidence before issuing a refund.
Mom returned to her home, grabbed what little turkey she had left, threw it in a ziploc bag and headed back to Costco.
Now, I wasn't there but I can imagine how the conversation went.
"Maam, you bought a 20 pound turkey and you're trying to return barely enough turkey to make one sandwich for a full refund. How do you expect us to justify this?"
"I don't expect you to justify anything but I do expect a full refund." And then, I'm sure she argued long enough to annoy Costco to the point of giving her a refund just to shut her up.
That's how she operates. This is how her crazy mind works.
One day, I will write a book about her but it will be after she's gone so she doesn't sue me for book earnings.
haha...I remember when she sold your table! Didn't she let the dog she was sitting poop all over your dining room that same week?
ReplyDeleteI think your mom beats my dad in the crazy department...and if you knew my dad, that's saying a lot. I was fortunate to have two younger sisters that could split the dose of crazy with me, though.
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