It was New Years Eve, 1988. Kristen and I attended a party. We, both, were fairly drunk. Shortly after midnight, I decided to leave the party with someone else. Kristen chose to stay.
I shouldn't have. Beautiful girls with an all too trusting and naive perspective on this world should never be left alone in a house filled with strangers.
It's a lesson I learned the following day. A lesson my future daughter will pay the price for.
New Years Day, I paid my beautiful friend a visit. "She's still in bed", her mom said. "at dinner time?" I asked.
When I walked into her room, she wasn't asleep. She was simply curled into a ball; crying.
Sometimes rape leaves such an indelible impression on a victim's face that words do not become necessary.
I was afraid to ask what happened. My gut knew the answer.
So, I didn't ask.
I just sat on the foot of her bed and said, "I am sorry."
At some point, she spoke loudly. Angrily. With shame.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
That's all she said.
A few minutes later, she clarified her question.
As Kristen was led unknowingly into a bedroom, the rapist to be restrained her arms as he slid his dirty hands up her skirt.
NO. NO. NO.
She told me she remembered saying NO. Over and over.
"I was first team All-Arizona last year at linebacker. I can have anyone I want. I chose YOU." As if ,his resume warranted this. As if, she should just consider herself blessed.
NO. NO. NO.
The last thing she remembered was the sick, twisted look in his eyes as he said, "DO YOU KNOW I AM?"
Kristen never told anyone. Her parents would have blamed her. She believed being drunk would be a viable alibi for him.
She blamed herself. She was dirty but it was his sin on her hands.
I was reading an article earlier today about Ben Roethlisberger and the rape accusation he faced a few years ago..
Whether or not he is guilty isn't even relevant. What I found interesting is that many character witnesses stated that over the years, Ben has been fond of using that question...
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
To be admitted entrance into a club. When meeting women. When pulled over for a speeding ticket.
The sense of entitlement athletes and celebrities have is nothing new. Hell, they learn it early in life. Star athletes in high school or even younger learn early on that their worth is greater than the rest of their peers because of their talent.
Superior talent= entitlement.
But to say that only celebrities are guilty of this is wrong.
Maybe, it's why I was shocked when I lost my job. I felt protected behind my 20 years of service that I was entitled to job security despite the perceived complacency.
Maybe, it's why some of us lose wives or girlfriends or husbands or boyfriends. We believe we are entitled to FOREVER because they fell in love with us at one point. We stop working on the relationship and replace it with expectations.
One night, months later, Kristen and I went out for dinner. The wound of being raped was still wide open but she was coping.
Her anger seemed to be directed at this young man's sense of entitlement more than aimed at the act itself.
"I should have answered his question," she told me.
"How so?" I asked.
"I should have told him I do know who you are. You are a rapist."
True character is revealed when no one is watching. Better yet, true character can not be revealed tied to a sense of entitlement.
This was an incredibly powerful read! All too often it IS easy to become complacent regarding that which is given to us seemingly with ease. It's easy to take talent, people and things we already have for granted. We are human. We remember struggle but once struggle ceases, we often forget what it took for us to get to where we are, or get who or what we have in our lives. Once in awhile, we need to be reminded. This was a great reminder.
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