In the aftermath of the Chilean miner rescue, we learned that a few of those men emerged from that hole with some explaining to do.
Apparently, a few of those men not only left wives behind anxiously waiting for their rescue, but some had mistresses as well.
Imagine you're a miner trapped in a mine for two months and when you emerge, standing side by side waiting to embrace you is your wife and your mistress. Whose arms do you run towards?
I thought being a douche was isolated to Americans.
For awhile, I believed being a douche was isolated to those here online.
Just the other day, I heard some startling news. It shouldn't have shocked me but it did.
About 15 years ago, an old friend of mine got married. Prior to marrying his fiance, he was cheating on her. In fact, at the engagement party we threw him, he fucked a woman in the backyard while his fiance was inside the house being congratulated for their upcoming wedding.
Even worse, one week after returning from his honeymoon, he was fucking another woman. Actually, two hours before he and his wife were moving out of state, he fucked that woman in his loaded U-Haul in front of their house while his wife was asleep in the house.
Because the world eventually exposes douches for the douches they are, it was 2 years later when he found out that he impregnated the girl he was having an affair with in that U-Haul.
After a court order required him to pay a significant amount of money in child support, he had to tell his wife about his cheating ways.
Like any self-respecting woman, she divorced him.
Now, here's the startling news:
Eight years ago, my old friend remarried. He was in love. He said he changed. This woman was the one. He vowed to remain faithful.
Last year, she divorced him.
Why?
Because my friend, the douche, was having an affair and impregnated another woman.
Two marriages. Two kids. And neither child is a result of his marriages.
I admit I am a little bitter. Women who reward douchey men is probably my biggest pet peeve.
Woman breaks up with boyfriend because he cheats on her. He begs for forgiveness and claims he has changed. Woman takes man back. Months later; the cycle repeats itself.
Or woman breaks up with man because he is online flirting with every woman that is kind to him. He takes kindness as an open invite to send every nice woman dick pictures. Girlfriend finds out and breaks up with him. He begs for forgiveness and claims he's changed. Months later, the cycle repeats itself.
Or woman sleeps with man. Man brags all over town that he slept with her. Woman who believed this man genuinely liked her feels betrayed. Man then realizes his piece of ass wants him no more. So, man begs for forgiveness and claims he's changed. Woman sleeps with man again. Months later, the cycle repeats itself.
Here's some late breaking news: Change doesn't happen overnight. If a man claims he has changed just because he was punished for his behavior, odds are he hasn't changed. He will just be more careful next time to not be caught.
Change is a process; not an event.
Many years ago, a friend of mine was getting married. A few days before his wedding, I went to the drug store with him to buy some KY Lube and condoms for his honeymoon. As he handed the lube and condoms to the checkout girl, she looked at us and laughed.
Apparently, she believed he and I were gay lovers.
Because I wanted my masculinity to stay intact, I decided it would be wise to explain to her that we were two straight guys; that my friend needed these for his honeymoon and I just happened to be shopping with him.
Now, I bring this up because well, it's a funny story.
But also, because last week, my mom called me and asked me if I was going grocery shopping anytime soon. Since she doesn't have a car, on occasion, I will pick up something for her at the store.
Mom calls. She asks, "Son, can you go to Walmart for me?"
I reply, "I suppose. What do you need?"
Her response, "Douche. Preferably Summers Eve."
I already have a hard time buying toilet paper because I prefer people believing I don't shit.
And the image of my mom douching doesn't sit well with me, either.
So, all of this comes down to this....
There are two types of men in the world: Douches and those who buy douche.
In other words, men with larger than life egos or men who are finally learning about humility.
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