Whats your hurry?‏

Back in January, I received my first speeding ticket ever.  It was 6:30 a.m.; 90 minutes before I had to be at work.

I followed the general rules of being pulled over:  I pulled into a parking lot, turned my car off, and frantically started looking for my registration and insurance card.

Now, I have been pulled over and received many tickets throughout my life but never for speeding.  My tickets were always for driving with expired tags or running red lights or making illegal U-Turns.  Nonetheless, when I get pulled over, I get nervous.

I always begin formulating the excuses in my head prior to that intimidating tap on the window that soon will occur with the cop.

When I was pulled over for speeding, it was no different.  I was fumbling through all the papers in my car while trying to think of something believable to say to avoid getting a ticket.  I was preparing to manipulate the cop believing with such arrogance that my reason for speeding would be an excuse this cop has never heard before.

It's one thing to formulate such a great excuse and it's another thing to actually execute it while a shadowy, dark figure hovers over your car dressed in a uniform befitted with a gun, a taser, a baton and handcuffs.

Once the cop reached my car window, I was prepared to talk myself out of the speeding ticket.

I failed.

I didn't fail because I didn't have a clever excuse ready for him.  I didn't fail because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown or pissed that this cop singled me out.

I failed because he asked me a rather brilliant question:

"WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?"

I could have easily stated I was running late for work despite the fact I still had close to 2 hours before I needed to be there.  I could have stated I didn't realize I was speeding because sports radio had distracted me.  I could have said anything.

But the truth is.... there was no reason for me to hurry.


Tonight, I was reading an article about baseball in my local newspaper.  The sportswriter used this form of media to explain that baseball needs to come up with some innovative ideas to make the game more interesting.

His reasoning is because today's generation of kids find baseball to be too slow.

And it got me thinking....

When I was a kid, all I did was play baseball.  In fact, I entered high school with plans on playing professional baseball.

The idea that today's kids find baseball boring baffles me.

It baffles me until I think about my speeding ticket back in January and that question the evil cop dared to ask me....

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?

Here we are in the information age and everyone is too busy, too impatient and frankly, too demanding.

There is a reason this is called the Information Age and not the Knowledge Age.  We are inundated with information and technology yet we don't apply that information and slow down.  We don't allow that information to actually become knowledge.

We live in a society of fast food, fast computers, fast cars, minute rice, texting, cell phones, faxing, IPODS, microwaved foods, TV ads telling us to JUST DO IT, get rich quick schemes and all information is one click away just by visiting Google. 

Stop and smell the roses?  Hell, we don't even notice the roses.


It's funny because just the other day, I made some homemade cheese crisps.  I grated cheese onto a tortilla and stuck it in the microwave for one minute.

By the time, 20 seconds had gone by, I was already tapping my fingers impatiently because apparently, waiting one minute was ruining my day.

WHAT'S MY HURRY?

I actually stood there wondering why the hell waiting one minute for my cheese crisp felt like I was stuck in a traffic jam for hours.

We are a sick people.  We are spoiled brats.

We have all this technology and information and we still want more.

Hell, when I was a kid, popcorn was made on the stove.  If I needed to make a phone call while driving, I had to find a pay phone at 7/11.  The freeways had 2, maybe 3 lanes.  Now they have 4 lanes and a special lane for those who carpool. I had 5 channels to choose from on TV.  Now, I have over 250 and I still can't stick to one channel.

Life was slower and I don't recall complaining about it.

It's like the more information and technology we are fed, our appetite for more increases.

We don't retain knowledge.  We are in constant motion.... Motion without memory or better defined as insanity.

We are insane.

My first 22 years of driving included ZERO speeding tickets.  It doesn't mean I wasn't speeding in that period.  It means I was never caught.

I was never caught because I would pay attention and make certain cops were nowhere in my vicinity.

I realized the morning I was pulled over for speeding that I simply was too busy and too distracted to even consider that a cop might pull me over.

WHAT'S MY HURRY?

As I told the cop, I have no idea.

What if the internet did not exist‏

So, I'm doing a little thinking about the internet and the new breed of tough guys, flashers, sexually gifted men, sexually frustrated women, porn obsessed people, lazy consumer shoppers, video game junkies and the rest of the population that depends on their computers to get through their mundane.

First of all, I will not claim to be completely innocent.  Sure, I've done the tough guy thing on here.  No, I have never shown any body parts to any unsuspecting women.  I do not claim to have figured out the vagina and all its' gadgets.  Obviously, I am not a sexually frustrated woman.  Certainly, I've watched my share of porn.  Sometimes, I shop online.  I know nothing about video games.  So, I suppose I am guilty of just a couple things I have listed.


Twenty years ago, this thing did not really exist.   A Friday night either included a lonely night of Texas Walker Ranger or a night out with friends.  There was no facebooking or playing some moronic video game or an instant messenger where you have pretend dates with faceless people.  Meeting men or women did not involve a profile picture and a self-written biography embellishing impressive stats hoping to meet the love of your life.  There was no place to post a status letting the world know that you are drunk or just got laid.

You either went out or stayed home and watched TV.

But I'm thinking, why did something so technological in nature cause us to revert back to our evolutionary roots.   As technology moves forward, we as people move backwards.  It's almost like once we turn our computers on, we are a bunch of Fred Flintstones spending the weekend with the Jetsons.

Let's start with the tough guys:  Most of them are short.  Remember the days when fighting involved some overly emotional dude who would rip off his shirt right before he was ready to throw a punch?  Those are the same people that are internet tough guys.   Short men with a short fuse.  Because they never feel too secure in themselves, they now use the internet as a means to prove they are bigger than what their measurements say.

It's almost like the internet has given these men an opportunity to enact revenge for all of those years they were bullied growing up.

Next, we have the flashers:  On a rare occasion, as a kid, I would hear on the news about a flasher exposing himself to women in mall parking lots.  It always involved a trenchcoat.  Like I said, "on a rare occasion".  Flashing was not on the top 100 crimes committed list.

Now with the internet, most women expect some asshole to show his penis for no reason at all if they dare just say "hello" to a man online.  Actually, in most cases, a "hello" isn't necessary.

For some reason, men now think it's super cute to show women their dicks.  I may have missed the memo but I almost feel unusual for having never aimed a camera at my own.

The reason men show their penises to women online is for two reasons:  Some men have this flawed belief that women think exactly like men do.  Because men like tits and ass and all things visual, they assume women must too.  It's called being egocentric.

The other reason men do the online flashing thing is simply for the shock factor.  It's the same reason men will hold you down while they fart in your face.  It's funny to us.

What men don't understand is that it is equally as creepy to send dick pictures to a woman as it is to stand in the mall parking lot flashing high school girls with your trench coat on.

Next, we have the sexually gifted men.  Notice how almost every man on the internet claims to love eating pussy?  Let's be honest here.  Look, I want my girlfriend happy and I will do what it takes to keep her that way.  But let's not pretend that the vagina tastes like pizza and beer.  There are things happening in there that sex ed. classes don't even talk about.  So, stop saying you love it and stop saying your good at it.

That's the other problem with the internet.... every fucking guy claims to have mastered sex.  They all last an hour and they can please a woman like no other.  Either all of these women who claim about having bad sex with their boyfriends and husbands are lying or all of their men don't use the internet.   

Let's be honest again... About one out of every ten men are good in bed.  Two out of ten are trying really hard.  And the other seven THINK they are good and while they are busy bragging online about it, their women are off with those one out of ten men.

Next, we have the sexually frustrated women.  These are women that love their online erotica.  Some of them write erotica themselves.  They will use some profile picture of a hot chick but most of them fall into the overweight category.  And that's not a joke.  Most erotica writers are big women.

Sexually frustrated women usually are cock hungry.  They will flirt with any man that shows them attention.  They will claim to love everything men do:  blowjobs, beer, farting, Fight Club and so on.  Ironically, sexually frustrated women are usually dating or married to the reality challenged men that believe they are sexually gifted men.

The biggest group of people that the internet has created are the porn obsessed crowd.  Before the internet was born, most of us could get off by seeing a breast on some documentary about the lost tribes in Africa.

Now, porn is so easily accessible, many people have become so bored with normal sex, they have turned to animal porn, scat porn, group sex porn, and so on.  We have become so desensitized to the human anatomy, a lot of us are now needing to see more unnatural things.

The internet has turned the normal fantasies of people into circus acts.

The internet has caused most of us to become lazy and quite frankly, we get bored even more. 

It's like television.  Thirty years ago, we only had 4 channels to choose from.  But no one complained.  Once cable became popular, we began to complain that we had "100 channels and nothing is on".

The internet is now the new television.  We get bored with our social networks and complain how stupid they are.  We get bored with our man on woman porn and look for man on amputee midget riding a horse porn. 

It has turned us into people that went out on friday nights looking for dates or hanging out with friends to staying home and browsing picture of anonymous faces or talking to someone that lives 2000 miles away.

Like it or not, our technology has not improved us as a people.

Love of Money

I was watching an interview with an older fisherman who has been affected by the oil spill in the Gulf.  The angry man stared intently into the reporter's eyes and said, "money is the root of all evil."

Losing sight at what this man meant to say, I immediately became annoyed.  It has always irritated me when people misspeak or incorrectly recite some expression or cliche or quote.

Money is not the root of all evil; the LOVE OF money is....

Greed is the root of all evil.

Take the BP oil spill, the spill itself was caused by an "accident" but after millions of gallons of oil later, greed has turned this tragedy into a catastrophe. 

Oil drenched birds, oil soaked beaches, the livelihoods of men and women forever eradicated, the long term effects of our ecosystem, all of the negative consequences of this "accident" are a result of greed.

But...

it isn't because of the greed of one man or one company or one industry or even one culture.  What we are seeing now is a result of the greed of everyone.

Greed is as american as apple pie.

More so, greed is as universal as let's say, Soccer.

The love of money is not a rich man's disease.  We see the evils caused by greed everywhere:  looting in third world countries such as Haiti after an earthquake, the farming of poppy in Afghanistan which eventually is made into opium and heroin and sold, the overfishing in our oceans, the illegal whale hunts; the evils caused by the love of money is global.

The BP oil spill is simply a microcosm of the greed that inhabitants the souls of this world.  BP is no less or more evil than the rest of us.

BP employs 80,000 people; that is 80,000 people with families with bills to pay.  To claim BP is greedy is simply one speaking without thinking.  I am certain that the majority of those 80,000 employees are sickened by the devastation in the Gulf. 

BP is simply a fictitious name given to the 80,000 people employed.  It's the collective name for those employees.  To claim BP is greedy is a false statement, in my opinion.

Profits keep everyone employed.  Cutting corners to acheive profits is when greed replaces responsible profit earning.  That is where BP went wrong.  However, like I said, greed is as universal as soccer. 

Back in 1992, we had the Rodney King trial.  It was a case of a black man being chased by cops and eventually being beaten by a group of white cops.

The trial resulted in those white cops being exonerated for that videotaped beating.

The verdict in this trial resulted in riots.     

At the time, news outlets reported that the black community was so outraged at this verdict, they resorted to looting, killing, pulling a white truck driver out of his truck and smashing his head with a brick.

 The crimes of the rioters were being excused.  The truth is that the aftermath of that questionable verdict was caused by greed. 

I am so angry at white America, I am going to steal a TV.  That isn't anger, that is being opportunistic or allowing our innate need to cut corners to achieve things, take over.

It happened after Hurricane Katrina.  People stealing TV's from unoccupied stores.  Greed can blind someone so much they forget that their home is underwater and a new TV will be useless to them.

The love of money is not a black or white issue or a rich man/poor man issue.  It's a human problem.  BP is as greedy as the poverty stricken looter after a questionably unfair verdict.

After the L.A. riots, Rodney King asked the infamous question:  Can't we all just get along?

The answer is We Can't.

When one war ends, another one begins.  We can't get along with each other, other nations; other cultures.  We can't all get along on a little place called MySpace.  We don't all get along with other kids when we are at the age of innocence in grade school.

Hell, we can't even get along with our own oceans. 

There is one continent on this planet where greed is in short supply and everyone gets along.  That place is called Anarctica.

There is no government or permanent population there.  In fact, Anaractica is the last place on earth not owned by anyone.

But I do suppose if the climate there allowed it, we would have a world war fighting over its' resources and the right to own it.

The love of money IS the root of all evil.  

  

Vertigo

About 15 years ago, a good friend of mine took the keys of another friend's car, drove 60 m.p.h. straight over a mailbox and right into a tree.
REWIND.
In a drunken stupor still devastated by the breakup of the one he called the "love of his life", this 22 year old young man grabbed the keys of another friend's car and raced over to his then ex-girlfriend's house to convince her they should still be together.

In his drunken state of mind, this man ran over her mailbox and went head first into a tree.  The violent crash resulted in him being thrown right through his windshield straight into the very tree that left his friend's car totaled.
FAST FORWARD.
About 15 minutes later, he was on the phone with me laughing.

No broken bones.  No resulting injuries with the exception of a forthcoming lawsuit and a weekend in jail.
FAST FORWARD.
That man should have died.  The cops, the paramedics all told him so.  That man should have died.  The alcohol which caused him to recklessly endanger his life and others from behind that wheel most likely saved his very life....

Or as the cops told him, "alcohol puts your body in such a relaxed state that many will walk away from car accidents that put the sober in a body bag."
REWIND.
About 20 years ago, my head was spinning.  News of a girl I loved was communicated to me on my green rotary telephone; the news that the girl I loved was killed in a car accident.
FAST FORWARD.
She would have been a great wife and an even better mother.  But not mine or with my kids.  We were simply each other's first loves.
REWIND.
Five years before her death, her little sister took her own life.  "How will I live without my little sister?"  It was the question I heard everyday for 5 years.
FAST FORWARD.
A decade later, a good friend decided that drinking was the answer to all of his problems.  Isolated in a hell called his bedroom, that man lived a lonely existance.
FAST FORWARD.
The very alcohol that once saved his life from a tree that stood angrily in his path; took his life. 
REWIND.
Some of us knew irony was around the corner, that day he survived the crash into that tree.
FAST FORWARD.
My head is spinning.  Still.  "How would I live without her?  How do I live without him?"

The questions I constantly ask.
REWIND.
I always wanted to know my purpose here.  To raise a family?  To fall in love?  To be a martyr to someone else?  To love or be loved?  To just be everyone's best friend or brother?

I always wanted to know my purpose here.
FAST FORWARD.
That old oak tree standing quietly in front of someone else's home still stands strong.  But if you look close enough, there is a scar left from that car crash 15 years ago.

And I wonder if that tree could speak or think if he would wonder what his purpose is.
STOP. 

Valentine's Gifts‏

Last year for Valentines, I struggled with what to get my then girlfriend.  Flowers?  Chocolates?  They all seemed so cliche.

I considered jewelery. 

I considered coupons for one of those spa places that give facials.

I had lots of ideas.

When the moment came to spend my $19.95 on a clever way of expressing my love for her, I settled for this:

Shamwow. I bought her Shamwow.

Yep, I'm THAT guy; the guy that sucks has a talent at buying gifts for that special someone.

A lot has changed since last year. 

However, I still strongly believe in Valentine's  Day.  I still will be celebrating this holiday with that person who is my Valentine. 

Because I have a gift for gift giving, I am listing some of my ideas for Valentine's gifts for those who don't know what to buy:


1.  Exercise DVDs.

Women love to be told when they are getting fat.  Not only are you helping them get in shape and live a longer healthier life, they will appreciate you for being so thoughtful.

2.. Instructional Sex Books/DVDs

Frankly, it's hard for even a woman to do this wrong but perfection should always be everyone's goal.  After receiving this gift, she will be wanting to practice right away.  I promise.

3.  An outfit.

Women love new outfits.  I suggest you buy her an outfit and a wig that would make her look more like your favorite celebrity.

Just like that Chinese girl that is having surgery to look more like Jessica Alba, all women want to look like someone famous.  So, help them.

4.  And my favorite gift....

A recipe book.  Women love to cook and are always looking for new recipes.  More specifically, recipes that include the most nutritious ingredient on earth: Semen.

Here is the description of this classic book; straight from its website:

 

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that.

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

 

 

What is the best or worst Valentine's gift you've ever given or received?

 
 
 

Misguided Fear. The days after Osama Bin Laden

"If you believe Osama Bin Laden's death without a hearing, without a fair trial, or even without being questioned is the right thing to do then you have been easily manipulated by government controlled propaganda through the mass media."


I read the above quote earlier tonight and it really hit home for me.  It home even more once I read on CNN that Osama was killed, we checked his DNA to make certain it was him and then we buried him at sea.  All of this happened with no collaborating witnesses; just government officials.

Osama Bin Laden is responsible for 9/11 because we were told he was.  Sure, a VHS tape was miraculously found in a hut where he was sitting with some friends having a tea party admitting to it. Other than that, Osama has never claimed responsibility for anything.  In fact, he was our friend before 9/11.  He was such a good friend that we even flew his whole family out of the country free of charge, without any questioning after 9/11 when all airplanes were grounded for several weeks.

Our govt never lies to us.  Well, they do tell little white lies like the Gulf of Tonkin incident which resulted in 60,000 dead Americans in Vietnam; an event that never happened but had the masses so upset they demanded we go to war.

Sometimes, they will lie about little things like "weapons of mass destruction".  Those little white lies don't hurt anyone.

Look, I don't think Bin Laden was a good guy.  I doubt even Lee Harvey Oswald was a good guy.

In this instance, the CIA played the role Jack Ruby did in the 60's:  kill the main suspect without trial.

That is dangerous.  I cannot be one of those people celebrating the death of a man who has not, to this day, claimed responsibility for the attack on this country; excluding the magical video tape, we happened to find in a cave.  A videotape showing a slightly fatter man and a more crooked nose than the Osama we are used to seeing.

It could be him.  It may not be him.  He's been murdered, dissected and buried at sea without answering any questions for us.

I don't really know if he did it or not.  And just because a government so intent on invading two countries says its him, I still don't know.

What I do know is this..... FEAR.

After 9/11, we, as a whole, were afraid; so afraid that we looked at President Bush as King Solomon.  Suddenly, he was our rock.  He cared about us.  He was angry for us.  He was our Savior.

What he said, we followed.  The Patriot Act and handjobs at the airport were SOME of the results of 9/11.

Let me rephrase that:  The Patriot Act and handjobs at the airport were SOME of the results of our fear.

If the public is scared enough, they will hand over freedoms without thinking twice.  That is a scary truth.

Thomas Jefferson said, "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty."

Do you know why he said that?  It was a warning to us; to warn us against our own government.  It's the same reason gun rights are in the second amendment.  We have the right to bear arms in order to protect ourselves from a tyrannical government.  It's scary when people want to give our guns to the very people they are intended to protect us from.

Tonight, I have read some comments on CNN and even in statuses here on Facebook.  Many people are now afraid that something worse is about to happen to us; worse than 9/11.  These people believe the followers of Osama are going to enact revenge on us for killing their leader.

FEAR.  Here we go, again.

I don't fear terrorists.  I fear our government more.

Pop Quiz:  Since the TSA began to use full body scans and hand searches on us at the airport, how many terrorists have they stopped?

Answer:  The same number of terrorists that were stopped before these overbearing mandates:  ZERO.

September 11th would have happened regardless of hand searches and body scans.  Nobody seems to get that.

FEAR.

I will be paying close attention in the coming weeks to see what new legislation is written in order to "protect" us from these new angry terrorists who want revenge on us for "killing" Osama.

I am guessing there will be something that will further deteriorate our rights and our constitution all under the guise of safety.  The sad part is because of fear, very few people will oppose it.

Oh, and if another terrorist attack happens here, don't believe for a second, it was THEM.

Everything is done for a reason.  Nothing happens by mistake.

Ask yourself why was he captured now, then killed, then disposed of so quickly.

And before you break out the party hats and celebrate this man's death, just know that tomorrow, none of our troops are coming home.  Afghanistan will still be in our hands.  In fact, this "murder" will most likely result in more troops because we will need to "kill" those new angry terrorists that are mad at us for killing their leader.

We aren't one step closer to peace nor the truth.

We are only being fed more fear.

Miracles (Speaking of Trees)‏

In 7th grade, I attended church summer camp.  One night, the camp counselor took us out to the edge of the Mogollon Rim to experience the sunset.

Whoever coined the phrase "God's country" must have sat at the very spot we were sitting that particular night.

As all of us impressionable kids sat on those rocks, in awe of this breathtaking moment, the counselor quietly said, "you are all witnessing a miracle."

He then proceeded to explain how everything before our eyes was a miracle in itself:  the daily cycle of a sunrise to a sunset, the thousands of trees in the belly of this canyon, the millions of stars above our heads, and each one of us sitting there that night experiencing this sacred daily event.

Maybe the most profound statement that night was being told how each of us was a miracle.  It was a statement that has literally stuck with me all of these years.

The most cynical of men can excuse our existence as nothing more than a meaningless series of luck and coincidences but I will never reduce my life or yours to some dogmatic principle based on a lack of faith or disbelief.

We are miracles.  Each of us. 

Consider the life cycle.  We are carried inside our mother's womb for 9 months to the point of finally entering this physical world.  From infancy to adolescence to young adults to adults to our twilight years.

Each of us stamped with our own thumbprint to never be duplicated again.

We are not random numbers.  We are uniquely created; each of us with a purpose, filled with significance and worth.

I think of every person who has ever crossed my path; even those who exited life well before their potential was ever realized.

I think of an alcoholic best friend who opened his heart to unloved kids and stared each of them in the face and told them you are indeed loved, you are indeed noticed.  I think how great a burden it must be to quietly be tormented with your own lack of self-worth while trying to save everyone else as he himself was drowning.

I think of the best person I know.  A woman who was not supposed to survive beyond a few hours after entering this world due to an erratic and rapid heartbeat.  Now, here she is impacting everyone's lives she delicately attempts to help.

Miracles.  The alcoholic best friend who lost his battle against himself.  The woman who still struggles with a rapid heartbeat yet lives life as if her heart can handle anything.

I think of you.  Each person who kindly shares a piece of his or her life with me here on this lonely island we call a community.

I don't think of miracles in terms of changing water to wine or raising someone from the dead.

I think miracles are much simpler in design yet unrecognized by our cynical minds.

Look at each loved one in your life.  Think of all of the circumstances that had to take place for them to be in your life.  Tiny miracles that resulted in a larger more recognizable one.

November 2007, a miracle walked into my life.  I could chalk it up to a series of coincidences and good fortune but for me to do that, I would have to diminish her relevance and meaning in my life.

And I sit here in October, 2009, knowing that her mere presence in my life is more life changing than a simple water to wine miracle.

Sometimes, I stumble into those God does not exist blogs and I shake my head.  What a sad existence to believe there is no purpose in life.  What a hopeless belief system to believe that we are merely random numbers without a creator; without a carefully thought out blueprint.

But what I do see when I read those blogs by atheists are miracles.  It is a miracle to have a Creator that allows us to accept or deny Him.

Some people need to experience a water to wine miracle before they grasp a simple principle as faith and label it a miracle.

Personally, I think water alone is a miracle.

I will wake up tomorrow, God willing, and that will be a miracle.

Life is too short to wait for some large miraculous event.  There are tiny miracles all around us.

As I sat on those rocks at the edge of the Mogollon Rim in 7th grade; watching the sunset, our counselor used the idiomatic phrase, "you can't see the forest for its trees."

Thirty years later, I get it.

We are so overly concerned with detail, we miss the larger picture. 
Life is a forest made up of miracles called trees.