Valentine's Gifts‏

Last year for Valentines, I struggled with what to get my then girlfriend.  Flowers?  Chocolates?  They all seemed so cliche.

I considered jewelery. 

I considered coupons for one of those spa places that give facials.

I had lots of ideas.

When the moment came to spend my $19.95 on a clever way of expressing my love for her, I settled for this:

Shamwow. I bought her Shamwow.

Yep, I'm THAT guy; the guy that sucks has a talent at buying gifts for that special someone.

A lot has changed since last year. 

However, I still strongly believe in Valentine's  Day.  I still will be celebrating this holiday with that person who is my Valentine. 

Because I have a gift for gift giving, I am listing some of my ideas for Valentine's gifts for those who don't know what to buy:


1.  Exercise DVDs.

Women love to be told when they are getting fat.  Not only are you helping them get in shape and live a longer healthier life, they will appreciate you for being so thoughtful.

2.. Instructional Sex Books/DVDs

Frankly, it's hard for even a woman to do this wrong but perfection should always be everyone's goal.  After receiving this gift, she will be wanting to practice right away.  I promise.

3.  An outfit.

Women love new outfits.  I suggest you buy her an outfit and a wig that would make her look more like your favorite celebrity.

Just like that Chinese girl that is having surgery to look more like Jessica Alba, all women want to look like someone famous.  So, help them.

4.  And my favorite gift....

A recipe book.  Women love to cook and are always looking for new recipes.  More specifically, recipes that include the most nutritious ingredient on earth: Semen.

Here is the description of this classic book; straight from its website:

 

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that.

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

 

 

What is the best or worst Valentine's gift you've ever given or received?