Like a River

I'll tell you exactly how it feels.  It happens instantaneously.  It fills you up and empties you at the same time.  Like a river after a rain storm. 

You feel it in your brain, in your hands, in your feet... your stomach isn't just tied in knots, it's a mess, a complete glorious mess.  You feel it in your skin, your bones... even your eyes.  Your eyes will fill up at the most unexpected moments; be it, at the sight of a child on a swing set or an elderly couple simply walking hand in hand on a sidewalk.  The most unremarkable of scenes on your television will cause you to break down and weep and laugh and weep some more only to be replaced with a slight twitch because something suddenly reminds you that someday it could be you...again. 

You feel it all throughout your body.  Your blood boils so hot it rushes down to the center part of your body and you are left wanting and needing and wanting some more but that wanting is not for you.   It's for them.  

And you feel it in your sleep; your dreams aren't filled with monsters or ghosts from your past.  You can't wait to fall asleep because you know tomorrow will be even better.  You can feel it in your heart without a single word from your brain.  It's like your head and your heart finally agree on something. 

And you suddenly believe in God and miracles and angels.  Gravity becomes your friend as all those things you could never grasp because they seemingly kept floating further and further away now suddenly just stop and stare you straight into your face.  Faith becomes that feather frozen in time hovering mid-air; ready to captured. 

And that smile you always faked is now a permanent natural fixture.  And everyone, your friends, your family, strangers, those you once hated, all of them; everybody... they all know something is quite different. 

And all that bitterness and envy becomes a relic of your past; only to be observed in the Museum of broken hearts.  And that hate for your fellow man and that self-loathing that became routine; all of it just evaporates.  Like a river after a drought.  And it rains.  And it rains.  And it feels so good on your face.

And you feel it on your tongue.  Food and sex never tasted better.  What was once obscene is now beautiful and delicious.  The tiniest of morsels become a feast in and of itself.

And that cross you used to carry becomes as light as the air you breathe.  And that crown of thorns you placed upon your own head ceases to exist.  And the martyr you believed you were is now recognized as just a fool.  And the death you so quietly hoped for is a prayer you hope to not repeat. 

And those songs you once cried to becomes music you can dance to.  And the prince of the air suddenly lets you be and breathing is no longer a chore.  And the black cloud above your head suddenly is just a halo.  And the scars look less ugly as you realize you are not standing in this moment if you weren't falling when they were made.

And you feel it in every thought.  Doubt expired instantaneously. What you know now is exactly what you knew then.  And life is always good even when it's bad.  And hope is not around the corner.  Its standing in your shadow.  And everything that was once a rumor is simply just the truth. 

And there is nothing sweeter than those three words.  And when those words are given; they can never be retaken. 

Like a river after a rain storm,  it fills you up and empties you at the same time.