I wonder what he thinks when he watches me watching him. They say his mind is practically gone. They say he remembers nothing.
But, during those rare and ambiguous moments, I know he is thinking of something, Maybe, even someone.
His life has no meaning to him. Faces are all blank canvases. Names are just words.
It's been a decade now. Ten long uneventful years. A decade of what if. A decade of why.
It should have been me... if life was fair. I tell myself that everyday. It's the anchor that keeps me at bay.
In between reminiscing and regret, this old man with his blank stare and silent screams, teaches me things I have failed to learn.
This is my life.
I'm guilty of envy every time I take a glimpse at the lives of those I once knew well.
I'm guilty of pride every time they take a glimpse at mine.
I suppose I am ambiguous because there is too much to explain and too little to know.
I haven't slept in ten short years.
This whole concept of time and space seems arbitrary. Someone recently told me that scientists now believe that time will eventually stop. And I just laugh. I laugh because if I put aside all the distractions in my life and just close my eyes... I remember everything and everyone; as if everything happened in one long day.
If you don't value life, you value nothing.
That old man died months ago. With a smile on his face.
Like every man before him, I wonder what his last thought was.
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