Everything is Backwards

As I was leaving work today, I realized just how backwards everything is...

I head out to the parking lot and the company midget has parked his monster truck in 3 spaces:

God forbid if any of us park near the little man's truck.  The 5'2 guy literally has to jump to get into his truck and I swear he pulled a groin about a week ago when he had to jump out of it.

We've got tiny men driving big trucks while fat guys ride mopeds.

Everything is backwards.

I was talking to a friend earlier today.  I asked her if she had any plans this weekend.  Her reply, "My boyfriend went hunting so I am going to relax."

So, naturally, I asked, "Hunting for what?"

She replied, "Cows."

Cows?  Really?  How hard is it to hunt a cow?  Cows are retarded. 

I've driven in the country and had the displeasure of seeing cows standing in the middle of the road.  I remember honking the horn and then witnessing just how stupid cows are.

Most animals run when you honk the horn.  But not the cow.  It will just stand there and stare.

It usually takes an hour or so, before the cow finally moves out of the way.

Hunting a cow would be like challenging a parapalegic to a 100 yard dash.  It wouldn't be a challenge.

So, as I am talking to my friend and trying to figure out how the hell one hunts a cow and why someone would engage in such an easy task, she finally explained herself.

"He went hunting for elk.  Hunters call elk... cows".

Only a backwards redneck would give an already named existing animal the name of another animal.  And yes, I know a "cow" is a female elk.  But seriously, just tell me he went elk hunting.

I am not a hunter.  I believe hunting is necessary to control animal populations and of course, it provides good food.  However, I don't understand those who hunt for "sport".

A few years ago, a customer of mine went to Africa to go hunting.  He paid a few thousands dollars to go on a guided hunt on a reservation.

 
His target:  a wildebeest.

Really?  A wildebeest?  Isn't a wildebeest just a glorified retarded cow?  I am certain the wildebeest is the cow's red headed retarded cousin. 

I watch the Animal Planet and if I'm not mistaken, don't wildebeests travel in herds of thousands?

How hard is it to a kill the cow's retarded cousin traveling with 10,000 other retarded cow cousins?

Backwards people hunting retarded animals.  If you want to hunt for "sport", try something challenging; like a unicorn or a hummingbird.  Hunt something that is hard to find and catch.

And maybe the most backward thinking thing that hunters do is fucking kill an animal so he can put his head on his living room wall:

Normal people prefer paintings or family portraits on their walls.  Backward people want stuffed animal heads on theirs.

And don't get me started about bear skin rugs.

Nothing beats fine floor decorations than an animal carcass.

Everything is backwards.

It's like the time I was walking my last dog and he took a shit in the grass.  After he was done scooting his ass on the grass, I started walking him back to my house.

Then out of nowhere, some angry crazy lady yelled, "Hey, aren't you going to pick up your dog's shit?"

Only in this backwards thinking world would anyone think, it's the human's job to pick up his pet dog's shit.

And even if I agreed to pick up my dog's shit, what am I supposed to do with it?  Put it in the garbage where it ends up in the landfill?  And if ends up in the landfill, who is going to pick it up there?  Shit belongs on the ground.  It's biodegradable.  It becomes fertilizer.

Duh.

Anyway, that's it.