Show me a woman with a huge dragon tattoo on her left breast and I will show you a woman who drinks wine by the box and considers cheese whiz to be a meal.
Tattoos should be approached with caution. Because they are permanent, careful consideration should be paramount while deciding on body art. This means avoid the tattoo parlor while under the influence of anything. A clear mind is necessary.
1. Avoid the tramp stamp: It is not sexy. Also, there will come a day you will be getting fitted with a pair of Depends. It's bad enough that old people shit themselves. The tramp stamp will only make you look more disgusting when you're 80.
2. Avoid Chinese letters, arabic writing and all foreign languages: Stick to English. I am certain the people who complain about having to push 1 for English and 2 for Spanish when calling their bank are the same people sporting foreign language tattoos. Having a Chinese letter on your body is not only stupid, it is pretentious. It does not make you more cultural. It's as ridiculous as ordering from Taco Bell in spanish when English is your only language.
3. Avoid tattoos on your breasts: Breasts are pretty. It's like spray painting the Taj Mahal. Don't do it. Even bad breasts look better without tattoos.
4. Avoid getting your loved ones names tattooed on you: How one feels today may not be the case 5 years from now. Stick to initials or the first letter of his or her first name. This will give you some flexibility if the relationship ends at a later date. For example, I plan on getting a "Y" tattoo at some point. If "Y" breaks up with me, I will just tell people it stands for Yahtzee. It is one of my favorite games. Or I might tell people it stands for yoga, yellow, yahweh or if I feel creative, I can tell people it means "why". Stick to letters and it leaves room for flexibility later.
You can judge a person by their tattoos. About half of those with tattoos have tacky ones.
Now, I do understand that women are usually the ones branded as tacky. Men can get away with just about anything when it comes to tattoos. That is because we expect men to be dirty or classless or impulsive. We expect our women to be soft, pretty and clean.
One poorly chosen tattoo can forever tarnish a person's image forever. Imagine sitting on the parole board while Charles Manson is sitting in front of you with his swatiska forehead tattoo. No matter if he has truly changed and is truly remorseful for his past crimes, that tattoo alone has placed pre-conceived perceptions into the parole board members minds. This holds true in all walks of life. Tacky tattoos can prevent one from getting a job or even catching the attention of someone you might be interested in romantically.
Most douches and tacky women have tacky tattoos. In the celebrity world, this is witnessed by Amy Winehouse and her self-portrait tattoo, Mike Tyson and his face tattoo, David Beckham and his various poorly chosen tattoos, and even Casey Anthony with her "Bella Vita" tattoo.
Am I wrong about tattoos?
What is the most tacky one you've ever seen?
My dad got my mother's name tattooed on his arm for their 40th wedding anniversary. It was very cute. No one ever sees it because he always wears a long-sleeved white shirt... even in summer.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I have a tramp stamp. Go eff yourself.