It was just one year ago that I spent my weekend rooming with Creepy McCreeperson. Creepy was this crazy, psychotic and creepy (obviously by his name) guy, we all worked with.
Everyone was scared of him.
He was the guy in his mid-30's lving in his parent's basement plotting his revenge on the world. Everything about him was beyond weird.
That weekend in Portland, I was forced to be his roommate in the fancy hotel we stayed at.
Luckily, I survived.
Mr. McCreeperson was my first experience with an actual crazy person. Sure, I've seen them on Jerry Springer. I've read about these types online. But never had I actually spent time with one so closely.
Since then, I have become a crazy magnet.
I can't escape them.
I see them here on Facebook. I deal with a few at my job. My own mom has increased her crazy behaviors over the last year.
Crazy seems to be the new fad.
As the new year is about to begin, one of my resolutions is to rid myself of lunatics. (Sorry, mom. Your son is now putting himself up for adoption).
As I was sitting at work today considering how I can eradicate all the crazies around me, I realized it can't be done.
In fact, I am beginning to think that sane people are the new minorities and insanity is the new caucasian. (If that makes sense).
So, I jump on the internet to try to get my mind off all the craziness I have recently had to witness.
And what do I find?
Judy Swinton.
I have no idea who this woman is. All I know is she crazy. I don't have to know anything about her to be able to diagnose her as being "one of them".
Ms. Swinton recently went grocery shopping. As she was picking out fruit, she came across this:
That's right, Banana Jesus.
Ms. Swinton is convinced she sees the face of Jesus on her banana. In her warped little mind, she believes the Lord and Savior of many believers is stamping his face on phallic shaped foods across this land.
Me, I see Michelle Obama on the banana but that's because I think Jesus is a better looking man than Michelle is.
The truth is... it's neither.
It's a fucking banana with markings on it.
Rational people know the difference.
Ironically, tonight, I decided to eat some wheat thins for a snack. As I was eating cracker after cracker, guess who I found on one of my wheat thins?
I see Jesus on my wheat thin!
As I was talking to Him and discussing my wish of eliminating crazy people from my life in the new year, Jesus said nothing.
He just frowned at me.
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