Good Father

One day during my lunch break, I sat in the drive thru of a nearby Burger King.  I was just minding my own business; waiting my turn to order something.

Something changed my life that very moment.
 
In front of me in that drive thru was a brand new Rolls Royce; probably the only one I have ever seen in person.  It's quite a thing to see a Rolls Royce in a fast food drive thru.  

What really caught my eyes on this brand new $200,000 car was its' bumper sticker. 

"Why would any man tarnish a car like that with a bumper sicker?  Most men treat their cars better than their women."  I had many thoughts in those brief few seconds before I actually read the words on that misplaced car decal.

Then, I read it.  Then, I couldn't help but choke up.
My daughter was killed by a drunk driver!

Those were the words.  Believe it or not.  It changed my misinformed opinions on what makes a man.

All vanity aside.  With no regards to that Mona Lisa of a car he was driving.  Nothing but love.  Love and anger.  All spelled out for the rest of us "less fortunate" ones to read.

This man wasn't looking for pity from those of us who had adoration and envy in our eyes because of what he was driving.  This man wanted us to know that this prized possession of his; meant nothing to him compared to the love of the daughter he lost.

That's how I saw it.

I was witnessing that great love that only daughters and good fathers speak of.

That's how I saw it.
 
See, I hate my dad.  I never knew him, never met him; didn't learn anything about him until a few years ago.  I hate him for who he wasn't.  A good father.  One who loved me; thought about me or was there for me.

But see, I also love my dad.  I am better off now than I would be if I had been raised by the man he is.  I love him for who he was.  A selfish father.  One who believed drinking and beating women would pave a better future for me.  A father whose genetic code is so vile and nasty that my own DNA has rejected all that he stood for.  I love that man for leaving and never returning.

I used to want a boy when it came time for me to be a dad.  I wanted to be who I never got to know.  Baseball, fishing, talking about girls, learning to pee standing up; with him applauding me as I succeed, watching sports with, discussing politics and God... it's how I imagine a good father to be.

I used to want a boy like me. 

I think it was that day at Burger King when I decided I want a girl.  Maybe, it happened recently after looking over my real life friends list and realizing that most of the women in my life came from a broken home.  Or maybe it was a combination of that bumper sticker and the hundreds of conversations I've had with women who grew up abused or abandoned or touched inappropriately.

Maybe it's because the woman I love admires her father so much and his finger prints are all over her; marked in kindness, strength and love.  Maybe I envision my daughter having her eyes and smile.

Maybe, it's because I was a handful as a boy and a girl would be an easier challenge.

Or maybe, it's just because I have a narcissistic need to be Superman and protect those who need protection the most.

Maybe, it's all of the above.  But I want a daughter.

Or a son.

I do believe the greatest acheivement in life for a man is to be a good father.