Some might claim he is no longer relevant but the truth is he is to blame for certain behavior patterns I exhibit in relationships.
It started in 6th grade. My girlfriend at the time was named Judy. Judy was one of those 7th graders that could pass for a highs chooler. She had big boobs, was almost the same height as me and was obviously somewhat experienced when it came to boys.
Me, I was awkward, shy, inexperienced and truly oblivious to most things.
I had many suspicions that the whore was cheating on me. I didn't have proof but there were little hints here and there that she had another boyfriend or two.
Most of our dates occurred at the park. On occasion, she'd come over to my house but it was only when it was convenient for her. I could sense that there was someone else.
One Saturday, she invited me over to her house to watch an all-day marathon on MTV of Michael Jacksons' "Thriller" video. I was excited. Since I didn't have cable, I was truly excited. I was excited to watch music videos and to spend a whole day with my big breasted girlfriend.
This was the day that forever changed and ruined my life all because of a prick named Rick Springfield.
So, there we were, Judy and I... sitting on her couch eating fruit rollups and watching "Thriller" over and over.
She was sitting next to me on the couch, playing with my hands and occasionally kissing my face. It was annoying. Sex wasn't on my resume yet nor did I really have an interest in it. I was all about music videos and eating snacks.
During a commercial, Judy invited me to her bedroom...
Then it happened. My suspicions that she was cheating on me was right there; staring me in the face.
On her bedroom door was a sign that said, "I love Rick.". On her walls, were pictures of some old dude with a mullet. Rick's name was everywhere with hearts drawn around it.
I was outraged.
How could this bitch flaunt her boyfriend in front of me so callously?
I was so angry. Once I was able to catch my breath, I asked her, "Who the hell is Rick? Why are you cheating on me?"
She then explained that Rick was Rick Springfield; "the world's greatest singer and actor".
It still didn't click. I had never heard of him. I didn't have cable. My musical tastes hadn't expanded into pop music. Hell, I was a kid that believed most music was of Satan. I even had plans to do a rock seminar proving that if you played certain songs backwards you could hear "i love the devil" somewhere in the lyrics.
It was kind of ironic that I didn't find Michael Jackson's music video of zombies to be satanic.
Anyway, I was so angry that I demanded that Judy give me Rick's phone number or address. I was prepared to kick his ass. I didn't care that he was a lot older than me. I was going to teach him a lesson for trying to steal my girlfriend.
She spent a lot of time that day showing me issues of Teeny Bopper Magazine or whatever they were called. She showed me pictures of him, made me read interviews he did and she even played some of his songs on her cassette player.
She did everything possible to prove to me that he was not her boyfriend and that there was absolutely no possible way he ever could be.
I didn't believe her.
I was a jealous kid. As an only child, I've always demanded the whole spotlight because well, that's all I knew. I don't share affection well. I sure as hell refuse to be defeated by some asshole celebrity when it comes to my girlfriend's heart.
It's funny because I'm still the same way to a degree. I'm not overly possessive nor am I the type of guy that tries to control the woman I love. But I am highly suspicious of everything and I do tend to feel left out if I'm not treated like I am "special".
We call it my "Rick Springfield moments" when I am bothered by certain things.
Now, that the internet exists, I am tempted to google "Rick Springfield and Judy, 1985" to see if they actually were together. I still have my doubts that she was telling me the truth.
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