These Days

These days, most of my communication is done via text messaging.  Impersonal, yet practical.  Insufficient yet informative.

These days, I talk less; think more.
The more I think, the less I react.
Less impulse, more prudence.


I think my dad would be proud, I thought as I circled the bases the first time I hit a home run.

I mention that randomly because, in this little bubble I exist in, I cling to the hypothetical.

These days, I swear... I swear I would do everything differently.  If....

I really just don't like myself... like a neon sign flashing in the Nevada desert, this illuminated my cell phone last night.  Funny how you view a friend; how you see her world and come to learn she has a different perspective of herself.

I thought.  I responded.  Prudently.

OMG.  That's really all I had for her.

Man, I swear... I swear these days, we are all struggling.  The Mayans can't be right.  There is no way we have 3 months left.  Because, I think the end will be like how Prince envisioned the end... a party.  A party like it's 1999.

No one is partying.

In just a few days, my best friend will be 42.  There won't be a cake or presents or even a text message.  There should be, I suppose.  Just because one has vacated life, he still lives.  Because memories are as vibrant as life itself.

If you can remember details, experiences and people, they still exist.

I really just don't like myself... like a kick to the groin, a bullet to the collective heads of all who LOVE her, she meant this.  I swear, damn it, I swear, these days, we have become impersonal.  Disconnected.  Self-involved.

I texted her back.

OMG.

I should have dialed her number.